Children of a Watcher and a Lawyer
by Miss American Pie
Summary: Okay, imagine Wesley and Lilah, now, imagine them with five kids, alright, good, now, imagine they want sex. How will they pull this off with all their work and family responsibilities? Well, read on, oh, and please, feel free to review.
1. Five Kids, Two Parents

Disclaimer: I own Luka, Kendall, Anna, Sara, and Wilhem, but that's it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place in the future. . .well, duh. Anyway, Wes and Lilah have five kids and they're married. Chaos ensuing? Well. . .duh!

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Wesley sat up in bed and looked around. The room was filled with the blue light of early dawn.

"Lilah, it's time to get up."

Lilah sighed and rolled over next to him, putting her hand on his chest and pulling him back into bed.

"Just a few more minutes, I don't want to face the day yet."

Wesley gently kissed her neck and began removing the lacy, red nightgown she had on.

"Hmm, why don't you let me make it a little easier for you?"

Suddenly, the door to their bedroom burst open and two, six-year-old girls pounced on them.

"MOMMY, DADDY!"

Wesley pulled away from Lilah and sighed as Anna and Sara crawled in-between he and his wife.

"It's time to get up!"

"Yeah, you lazy bones!"

Wesley wrapped his arms around Sara and kissed her cheek.

"You're right, little loves, it is."

"Come on, we have to get up now!"

"Yeah!"

"Alright, alright, how about you and your sister go get ready and make sure your siblings are ready while Mummy and Daddy get ready for work?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

The two girls raced from the room and down the hallway to their bedroom. The nanny had laid out identical school jumpers on their beds for them. As they dressed for school, they were completely oblivious to the fight their oldest sister and the nanny were having down the hall.

"I don't want to brush my teeth!"

"Please, Luka, sweetheart."

"NO!"

"I'm going to tell your mother and father, young lady!"

There was no need, however, Wesley and Lilah could hear the argument in their room. Lilah pushed Wesley's hands off the waistline of her panties and climbed out from under him.

"Talk about ruining the mood, huh?"

"I don't know, I'm still VERY in the mood."

Lilah smiled at the rumple in the covers and leaned in for one more kiss.

"I WON'T!"

Lilah sighed and pulled away, walking to her bedroom door.

"Pull yourself together and then get ready, it's going to be a long day."

Wesley sighed and then aloud himself to fall back on the sheets. Down the hall, Lilah came into Luka's room, where she found her daughter sitting on her bed in her school jumper with her arms folded across her chest. The nanny looked quite harassed.

"What's going on?"

"She refuses to brush her teeth."

"Well, Luka, honey, you have to brush your teeth before you go to school."

"Why?"

"Because that's what makes Mommy and Daddy happy and it's what makes little girls look beautiful. You want to be beautiful, don't you?"

"Yes!"

"Well, then, brush your teeth and then go downstairs for breakfast."

"Yes, ma'am."

Lilah smiled as Luka disappeared into her bathroom. In the room next door, Kendall, the second oldest daughter at eight, was putting the finishing touches on her homework. She was the most like her father. She wasn't into being beautiful like her older sister, Luka, who was most like their mother. She wasn't weird like Anna and Sara, who were a mix of their parents. She certainly was not like her younger brother, Wilhem, who was too young to really be given a characteristic. She had been working on him though. She promised the little boy she wouldn't let him go over to the dark side, a.k.a Luka's ways.

She climbed out of her desk chair and packed her book bag, humming as she went. Maybe she should go check on Wilhem. Her parents usually let him sleep since he was always grouchy when he didn't get enough, but it wasn't too early to check on him.

Kendall went into the hall. All the doors were shut. No one would know if she just checked on him. She tip-toed to her brother's bedroom door and opened it, quietly, and then snuck in. Wilhem was still asleep in his bed. His little feet poked out of the blankets and his chestnut brown hair was sticking out at all ends.

Kendall silently approached the three-year-old and held out her hand, letting her's graze his. Suddenly, Wilhem's eyes opened and he looked at her.

"Hey, baby brother."

Wilhem smacked his dry lips together and lifted his small legs in the air, stretching. Suddenly, the door was opened. Kendall turned to see her father standing in the doorway in a black suit with a green shirt and silver and black tie.

"Good morning, little love."

"Good morning, Daddy."

"How's your brother?"

"He's sleepy."

Wesley looked down at his little Wilhelm and smiled. Whereas, Wilhem's birth hadn't been planned, Wesley didn't mind. He was a little worried about having all girls and being the only male but that had changed when Wilhem was born.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

Wesley lifted Wilhem into his arms and kissed his head. His hair still smelled like baby shampoo from the night before, a smell Wesley had learned to enjoy over the last ten years.

Suddenly, the toddler began struggling in his father's arms and pushing against his chest to get down. Wesley sat him on his bed but it was already too late, the damage had been done. Wilhem was screaming bloody murder by the time Lilah came racing into the room a moment later in a black business jacket and black skirt with a white dress shirt underneath.

"Dammit, Wes, you know he hates being held first thing in the morning, it upsets him."

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

Lilah rolled her eyes and lifted Wilhem into her arms, since she knew the nanny was busy with Anna and Sara. She patted his bottom, gently, and rocked him for a moment then decided it'd be best to walk with him. Wesley lifted Kendall into his arms and followed Lilah downstairs to the kitchen.

"Shh, shh, Wilhelm, Daddy's a jerk, I know."

Wesley scowled as he sat Kendall in her chair at the table and then sat beside her, pouring them both a bowl of cereal. Ten minutes, later Wilhem was calm and the rest of the family had joined them. Lilah handed her son off to the nanny so she could get him dressed and breakfast began.

"Luka, you have your school report done, right?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Good girl."

The rest of breakfast was uninterrupted except for Anna and Sara's Cheerio fight, which the nanny, who had brought a groomed and dressed Wilhem back to the table, dealt with. The older children went upstairs to gather their backpacks and Wesley watched his son eat his breakfast, messily.

Ten minutes later, Wesley was wiping up the milk from the table and Wilhem was in his playpen. Lilah came down and kissed her husband's cheek, gathering her purse.

"I'll take the girls to school and then meet you at work, okay?"

"Sure. Oh, don't forget we have that lunch meeting at noon."

"Okay. I'll meet you in your office and then we'll go to that."

As Lilah went to walk out to her car, Wesley grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him and kissed her, passionately.

"I'll see you at eleven-thirty then."

Lilah smiled as Wesley walked over to the playpen and kissed his son's head.

"Bye, Wilhem, Daddy has to go to work, now."

Little Wilhem held up his arms and Wesley lifted him up, hugging him and then putting him down again. He stood and left the nanny to take care of his young son. Going back into the kitchen, he saw that the girls had all come down from their rooms, carrying their backpacks. Luka was arguing with Kendall but Wes decided it was Lilah's turn to break up a fight and went into the garage, starting his Mercedes and pulling out into the Los Angeles sun.

He saw Lilah come out of the house with the girls in tow. She looked incredibly cranky and glared when she caught sight of Wesley, who mouthed 'good luck' and waved, pulling out of the driveway. Lilah rolled her eyes in got in her silver SUV. If he thinks he's getting laid, she thought, he has another thing coming.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Second chapter's already written. I'm holding it ransom for reviews. Just kidding, I'll put it up as soon as I have some more free time, which should be Monday, 1-11-05. Thanks for reading this far, now review!


	2. Old Ways Get Busted

Disclaimer: I own Luka, Kendall, Anna, Sara, and Wilhem, but that's all.

That morning, Wesley discovered that he had a lot of damage control to do. One of his clients had stolen a very rare artifact from a very powerful tribe, and all Hell was on the verge of breaking loose in Los Angeles, if he didn't stop it. He spent most of the morning on the phone talking to the leader of the clan and almost missed the sound of the seductive knock on his door.

Oh, that knock. Lilah was playing with him. She always knocked that way to see if it was safe to come in and have a little middle-of-the-day romp. Of course, right now, Wesley was not in the mood.

"Come in, Lilah, I'm on the phone though."

Lilah came in, looking pouty, but took a seat in front of Wes' desk, putting her heels on his desk, letting him catch a glimpse of the black underwear she had on. Closing his eyes, he continued his phone call.

"Yes. . .we'll smooth this all over. . .I think it's just a mistake. . .I know that you'll be getting some compensation. . .yes, very sorry, sir. . .of course. . .yes, thank you. . .goodbye."

Hanging up the phone, Wesley pulled the phone cord out of the outlet and then ran, locking the door and closing the blinds. Finally, he put his arms around his wife, and kissed her, passionately. Lifting her onto the desk, Wesley began pulling up her skirt and undoing his belt.

"Mm, this is just what I need."

Suddenly, as if by some cruel fate, there was a knock on the door.

"Don't answer it."

"I have to."

"No, you do not, Wesley! Right now, you have to have sex!"

Another knock.

"What if it's Mr. Ramsey?"

"He'll just think we already left."

Another, more furious knock. Zipping up his pants and doing up his belt again, Wesley rushed over to the door, barely giving Lilah time to compose herself, of course, he knew she could. They had five kids, one always learned to be hasty when you have five kids running around the house. One also learned that the linen closet was just as good as the bedroom.

"Hello, Mr. Wyndham Pryce, I just wanted to let you know that the valet has your car ready to go."

"Thank you."

Slamming the door in the assistant's face and locking it, Wesley turned to find Lilah had her purse and was ready to go.

"Don't you want to. . ."

"Sorry, I'm not in the mood anymore."

Leaning into him, seductively, Lilah smiled and unlocked the door.

"Pull yourself together, Wes."

Slipping into the hall, Wesley watched away her and thought of the most boring thing possible. It was hard though, watching her curves and the way her ass. . .get a grip, Wesley, he thought.

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Half an hour later, they were in the countryside on their way to the resort, where they would be having lunch. Lilah, it seemed, had decided that she was going to torment Wesley in any way she could. In the last ten minutes, it had gotten incredibly worse, as she had kept putting her hand near his groin and then pulling away. She had even gone as far as to play with the button on his pants once.

Finally, Wesley snapped. Grabbing her hand, he placed it on her side of the car.

"I'm drawing a line!"

"What?"

Lilah laughed at his statement. They always drew imaginary lines when the kids were fighting on a road trip. The first one to cross that line was to be put out on the side of the road, of course, that rule had been Lilah's.

"You heard me, I'm drawing a line. If you cross that line, I'm putting you out. Really!"

"Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, you should be so tense."

Placing her hand in his lap again, Lilah smiled and Wesley slammed on the brakes.

"That's it! OUT!"

"What?"

"Get out of the car!"

"Wesley, I think I know what you need."

"No, Lilah, I'm not playing! Get out of the car!"

"And how are you going to conduct the business meeting without me and my department's stats?"

"Um. . ."

"You're not, that's the answer. So, start the car, and get us to the resort, now."

"Yes, ma'am. . .I mean, okay."

Lilah rolled her eyes as Wesley tried to get the car started again. He kept turning the key, but nothing would happen, except a couple sputters, and then nothing.

"I think there's a problem."

"No, really, thank you Captain Obvious."

"No need to get. . ."

"Wesley, get out and check under the hood."

"You know that I don't know a thing about cars."

"Well, now's a great time to learn, isn't it."

Leaning over his lap, Lilah pushed his door open, but Wesley was more focused on the fact that she was in his lap.

"Lilah?"

"What?"

"Shut the door."

Closing the door, gently, Lilah looked up into her husband's eyes. Moments later, she was straddling him.

"You. Me. Alone in the countryside."

"No kids. No nanny. No dog."

"Wes, we don't own a dog."

"Thank God."

Reclining his seat, Wesley put his arms behind his head.

"Remember back in the old days when you would strip for me?"

"Yes, but I'm not doing that here, a car could come along. . ."

"What happened to the Lilah that didn't care if she got caught? By the way, I wasn't asking."

Smiling, Lilah began to remove her top, slowly, teasing him. It seemed to be unbarable for Wesley though. She had to admit, he didn't have the patience and resolve he used to have before they had kids. Leaning up, he kissed her and began undoing her bra, quickly.

"What happened to me stripping?"

"You take too damn long."

Removing his shirt, Lilah began trailing kisses up his neck. God, this was good. It wasn't safe and that turned her on. It turned her so on, she didn't hear the car coming up the road, and neither did Wesley. Pushing his pants and boxers down, Lilah began undoing her skirt. Wesley, however just pushed it up.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the driver's side window. Both looked up to see a police officer. Both scrambled to cover themselves, Lilah using the coat Wesley kept in the backseat of his car and Wesley pulling up his underwear and pants, and then, buttoning his shirt.

Rolling down the window, Wesley felt a sense of impending doom. This was not going to be good.

"May I ask what you two were doing parked on a back road?"

"Well, you see, Officer, we were. . ."

"Having sex."

Wesley looked at Lilah as the color drained from his face. He then, realized that she was flashing her Wolfram and Hart employment card. Turning back to the officer, ready to apologize, he found that the card seemed to have effect on him.

"Well, have a nice day then."

Walking back to his squad car, the officer pulled away from them.

"That was. . ."

"Shh, I'm on the phone."

"With who?"

"Tow truck and car rentals."

Wesley leaned back and smiled, his girl was good. Of course, he wasn't going to be doing anything on a back road for awhile. Damn, he thought, this day just keeps getting worse and worse.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you read this, please review! I'm begging you! I'll review your stuff, I mean, I believe it's common courtesy. Anyway, will Wesley and Lilah ever get to have sex? I wonder. . .guess you'll just have to read and REVIEW!


	3. Thank Heaven and Hell for Lilah

Disclaimer: I own Luka, Kendall, Anna, Sara, and Wilhem, but that's it.

Sitting at his desk, and reclining in his leather office chair, Wesley indulged in the few moments of rest he was getting. He was incredibly tired, and all he wanted to do right now was go home and take a nap on the sofa in his office. Of course, he would also like to have just one good lay today with his wife, but the fates seemed against them.

Lilah had gone to another meeting right after their luncheon, leaving Wesley to call a car to take him back to Wolfram and Hart. It was times like those that he really saw the old Lilah, not the mother of five, domesticated queen she had become in the last few years.

Suddenly, the day got worse, as Wesley's office phone began ringing. Sighing, Wesley leaned up and picked it up, keeping his eyes closed and ready to stab the next person who told him an apocalypse was on the way, with a plastic fork, and say 'there, there's your apocalypse'. Lilah would just say he was being moody.

"Hello?"

"Yes, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce?"

"Yes sir."

"This is Headmaster Snoody, from your daughters' school."

"Oh, hello, headmaster."

Hearing the older man's tone, Wesley knew this was going to be a headache for him.

"Is there something I could help you with?"

"Well, actually, this is about Kendall. . ."

Damn, Wesley thought.

". . .she freed some frogs that her science teacher was going to use to dissect later this week."

"She did?"

"Yes sir."

"Is she in trouble."

"I'm afraid so, sir."

"Would you like me to come to the school, now, and discuss this with you."

"I think it'd be best."

"Alright, I'll be there in a moment. Thank you."

Hanging up the phone, Wesley made an expression of rage, and silently screamed. This was the perfect way to end his work day. Just perfect. Grabbing his suit jacket and car keys, he went out to his secretary's desk and turned to her.

"Jennifer, could you tell Mrs. Wyndham-Pryce that I had to pick up our daughter, Kendall, from school early, and that I went home after that, please?"

"Yes sir."

"Thank you."

Stepping onto the elevator, Wesley knew that whatever excuse Kendall had, it'd probably be well thought, and her intention for freeing the frogs were probably very good, but, then again, so were Wesley's when he had taken Connor, and even though freeing frogs didn't compare to stealing a baby to save him, he was afraid his daughter was following in her father's footsteps, a little too closely.

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"I didn't want him to kill them, though."

"Kendall, dear, I'm sure you can understand that Mr. Ramos was going to kill the frogs in a humane way, and he was using them for good scientific purposes."

"No, he wasn't! They don't deserve to die! How would you feel if somebody killed you, and then dissected you? Hm?"

Placing his hand on his daughter's, Wesley shifted in his seat a little, uncomfortable. His daughter really had inherited her mother's arguing skills.

"Now, Kendall, sweetheart, Daddy and Mummy have warned you about doing things without asking an adult about it first. What have we said?"

"When in doubt, talk it out."

"Good girl, now, why don't you apologize to Mr. Snoody, and go out in the hall, why we talk?"

"Yes sir, sorry Mr. Snoody."

"It's quite alright, Kendall, though, I am afraid that I will have to suspend you for two days."

"Two days! That's. . ."

Seeing the look on her father's face, Kendall walked out into the hall, solemnly, and Wesley turned to the headmaster.

"How much do we owe you?"

"Oh, two-hundred-and-fifty-dollars to buy some new frogs. Dead this time."

Pulling out his checkbook, Wesley wrote a check, and then handed it to the headmaster. Standing, he tucked the small leather book back into his pocket and then shook hands with the man.

"I'll just take Kendall home now."

"I think that'd be best."

Walking out of the office, Wesley took Kendall's hand and led her through the halls, waiting until they got in the car to say anything.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall, how could you?"

"I don't know, the frogs shouldn't be killed though!"

"I know, love, but you can't go correcting things in this way your whole life."

Putting on a pout, she crossed her arms, and stared out the window, as Wesley pulled out of the school parking lot. Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up at their suburban home, Kendall rushing in, not wanting to talk to her father, and Wesley slowly following after. As soon as he got in the door, the nanny came downstairs carrying Wilhem.

"There's daddy Wilhem. Say we just had a fresh diaper change. Would you like to hold him, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce."

"Is it almost nap-time?"

"He's been yawning."

"Good."

Taking his boy from the nanny, Wesley balanced Wilhem on his hip. He had been meaning to potty train him for the last month, but never seemed to get around to it. Of course, Wilhem had only just turned three, so he still had some time before Lilah got on him. The first time HE had to potty train one of their children, and he hadn't gotten around to it yet.

Carrying his son into his office, Wesley laid down on the couch with Wilhem laying on his chest, then covered them with the green blanket that was laying on the back of the couch. Snuggling, he decided that first thing when he woke up, he was going to have a talk with Kendall to make her feel better about what she did. She had good intention after all.

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"I can't believe you!"

"I can't believe you!"

"My little sister does not free frogs like some. . .freak!"

"I'm not a freak!"

Hearing this, Wesley opened his eyes, still groggy. Wilhem was laying beside him, his head resting on the couch, blanket wrapped around his body, no wonder Wesley had felt so cold. Raising himself up on his elbow, he looked around for the clock, six-thirty.

"God, where's their mother or the nanny?"

Standing, and not disturbing his son, Wesley went out into the kitchen to find Luka and Kendall at each other's throats, almost literally. Stepping in between them, Wesley divided them and prevented a blood bath.

"What's going on here?"

"She freed all those icky frogs, and now, everyone's calling her frog girl, I'm frog girl's sister!"

"Well, that isn't so bad, is it?"

Rolling her eyes, Luka stormed upstairs. Turning to Kendall, Wesley ran a hand through his hair.

"Where's your mother?"

"She called awhile ago and said she wouldn't be home until seven."

"And the nanny?"

"She's upstairs with Anna and Sara."

"I see. Well, I guess Daddy's making dinner tonight."

Frowning and making her 'yuck' face, Kendall went into the living room and turned on the Discovery Channel.

"I don't think I'm that bad."

Whispering to himself, Wesley decided that it'd probably be wise to order out. Grabbing the phone book off the top of the fridge, he laid it down on the counter, and looked up the pizza place just blocks from the house.

Picking up the phone and dialing the number, he heard Wilhem being to call for him.

"Dammit."

"Hello?"

"Oh, hello, I would like to order one large pepperoni, and one large cheese pizza, please."

"Yes sir, would you like soda with that?"

Opening the fridge door, Wesley determined that they had drinks.

"No, thank you."

"Alright, your total comes to twenty-dollars-and-fifty-three cents. Are you going to be picking up your pizza or is this delivery?"

"Delivery. One-sixteen Viewmont Drive, thanks."

Hanging up the phone, Wesley rushed back into his study and lifted Wilhem into his arms.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I want Mama!"

Rolling his eyes and rocking the child, Wesley went back out into the kitchen."

"Kendall, can you se the table, please?"

"I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"Watching how manatees mate, it's Luka's night!"

Going to the stairs, Wesley stood at the bottom and used his much practiced yell to summon his eldest daughter.

"LUKA, COME SET THE TABLE!"

"I want Mama!"

Rocking Wilhem a little more, Wesley waited for his eldest daughter to respond.

"LUKA!"

"WHAT?"

"COME SET THE TABLE!"

"IT'S KENDALL'S NIGHT!"

"YOUNG LADY!"

Coming down the stairs, Luka scowled at her father, and then marched into the kitchen, taking out plates and placing them on the table.

"You're not cooking tonight, are you?"

"No, I ordered pizza."

"Thank God."

"I'm not that bad!"

"Dad, your cooking stinks."

Walking across the kitchen and sitting Wilhem on the counter, Wesley opened the fridge and put some drinks on the table, while Luka put some napkins down, especially near Wilhem's seat.

Twenty minutes later, the pizzas arrived, and Wesley placed them on the table, once again balancing Wilhem.

"Please go tell your siblings that dinner's ready."

Luka rolled her eyes but complied. Sad that the nanny had already left, Wesley couldn't wait until Lilah got home. Sitting Wilhem in his seat, he cut a slice of pizza into little pieces and then put the bib on his son.

"Okay."

Moments later, his family joined them, sitting at the table. All thoughts of frog girl and the game Pretty, Pretty Princess, that Sara and Anna had been playing, forgotten. Of course, Wesley should have known that the silence couldn't last. After all they were his and Lilah's children.

"You know what, Daddy?"

"What, love?"

"Manatees mate underwater."

"Really now?"

"Uh-huh."

"That's gross, Kendall, we're eating!"

"So?"

"What's mating?"

"Nothing, Sara."

"It's when. . ."

"Kendall, don't explain. . ."

"Yeah, Frog Girl!"

"That's not nice."

Used to the bickering, Wesley continued to eat his pizza, thankful he had at least one boy.

"Daaadddy, what's mating?"

"Frog Girl!"

"Shut it!"

"Maannaatteeeeees!"

"Frog Girl! Frog Girl! Frog. . ."

"I want Mama!"

"Glad to see you have everything under control, Wesley."

Looking up, Wesley saw his wife standing in the doorway of the kitchen. All five children stopped fussing, immediately as their mother walked over to the table, and had a seat."

"Now, Luka, do not call your sister Frog Girl, Kendall, don't tell people to shut it, Anna, Sara, you don't need to know what mating is, because it involves kissing boys. . ."

Both little girls grimaced.

". . .and Wilhem, Mama will take care of you after dinner."

Sighing relief, Wesley looked over to his wife, thankfully.

"Glad your home."


End file.
